Cherry on Top!

I don't know what is wrong with me in the last couple of days. I know that everything is doing fine, nothing's wrong and I don't have any problem. But lately I've been finding myself wanting to feel sad and listen to some sad songs all day long, hiding in my bedroom with minimum lights. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't have a single idea. 

Maybe some of you guys who also watch British Youtubers (like I do) know that Zoe + Alfie have confirmed their relationship on Zoe's blogpost and (finally) we know that Zalfie is real and it sure is a THING which I'm very happy to find out :) They are my OTP forever and ever and it's such a shame to not see them together. They say they don't want to be a youtube / online couple. Now, I am very very happy for them, but suddenly I think about it and realize that there might be something awkward between them whenever they make a video together or do a vlog together and whatnot. I don't really know thou, I said MIGHT, it's just my speculation. Seeing the old Zoe + Alfie act around each other without a single care in the world in their past videos makes me feel slightly sad and worried if things aren't going to be the same anymore. I know that it's not my business, but as a shipper, I just can't :( OH THE FEELINGS. If you ever shipped some fictional character over some books, movies, tv show, you might know the feeling. But this is some real couple we're talking about guys. I just don't want bad things to happen to them that could cause a break up. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING RIGHT NOW AND WHYY?!?!?!?! IT'S RIDICULOUS I KNOW. That's why I don't think it's normal to feel sad over my OTP that I don't even know personally. I don't want to talk about it, but I definitely know it kinda make me emotionally unstable.

Also I've been reading some Zalfie fanfiction on wattpad.com which also makes me sad and cried a bit. It's frustrating but I keep on searching for more. I think feeling sad is contagious, cause sometimes I found myself wanting to feel sad and just cry over everything -_-" gawd you're 18! Grow up.

My holiday is ending in 2 weeks. Ovan is even starting another semester next Monday and he's back to his busy routine. It kinda makea me feel lonely knowing he might not be available and I can't see him as often. It's like starting all over again to overcome the same issues, getting used to do things on my own. Lately, all I want is to be hugged by him and just feel his presence without feeling the need to talk or say a single word. I guess I'm trying to hide my fear and run from it. I'm always a bit scared of having new class, new friends, new environment to live in cause it means I'm out of my comfort zone and I don't have anyone to run to. I hate the uncertainty. Guess I haven't grown up that much. 

I've been listening to Thinkin Bout You by Frank Ocean which makes everything feels much more depressing than it actually is. I don't know what is wrong with me, honestly. I don't want my holiday to end :(:(:(