Cherry on Top!

This morning, I've had 2 cups of coffee, which was pleasant (at that time). But now, the caffeine is reacting and I think I had too much of it. Tomorrow is the first day of midterm tests. We're going to have Religious Study test, followed by Statistics on Thursday, & Macroeconomics on Friday. I haven't understood ANY MATERIAL for those tests. NOT A SINGLE CONCEPT. And I'm very worried. And my panic attack is acting up again. Which is so not helping. Oh how I hate this anxiety disorder. 

All I need is him. And I'm not even joking. I tried not to depend on people, but unfortunately, the only person who could calm me down is him. 

AND WHY AM I STILL WRITING THIS POST WHEN I SHOULD BE STUDYING!

THIS MIDTERM SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME!

AND I CAN'T FUCKIN CALM DOWN!

okay enough with the capslock.

ADIOS!

XOXO,

nna

ps: wish me luck! pls I'm begging you, pls pray for me and my midterm tests :(

I'm on my 3rd semester now and we already went through almost half of it, this wednesday's going to be our first day of midterm exam. But honestly, it feels rubbish. The 3rd semester is awful :( I don't know, maybe odd semesters have always been awful, you know, all the process of finding new friends, new classmates, this time, new place to live, new lifestyle, etc. Having to lose my close friends in every semester sucks, big time you know. Definitely not the easiest time of my life. 

I realized that I'm not feeling genuinely happy. All I wanna do during weekdays is to come home on the weekends because school is just extremely tiring. I'm constantly worrying and comparing myself to other people. What is wrong with me? I don't have a clue. However, I'm very grateful for my new family, Difa, Nabila, Babeh, Farlin, Galing, Harindra, Chiu, Dharma :) eventhou people may come & go, I'm glad (at least) I still have some close friends that I could really trust. Sometimes I do still feel lonely, but those days spent with them make it feels bearable.

I haven't talked about this to anyone, even Ovan cause I'm scared people might assume that I'm seeking for attention, weird, always complaining (well, can't you stop worrying --"). Some people don't understand how hard this anxiety & depression are and how awful they could affect every aspect of my life. But I'm tired &I hope by writing it out, the feelings & most importantly, my messed up way of thinking would go away and I can go back to being genuinely happy again. I'm looking forward to the better days. 

XOXO,

nna